so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We were destined to go to rehab together
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
