i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize
