what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
