Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
