Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
