My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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