and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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