just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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