im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
