Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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