does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
