u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
