Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
