it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
