Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
