we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
