There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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