so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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