I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
