It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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