Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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