I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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