the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
there is puke in my bra ... again
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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