remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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