kristin has been a bad kristin
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
