R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
