I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you have to choose: penises or morals?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
