who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
