I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
