his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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