Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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