Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
