bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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