His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
