hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
