May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Sext me about skeletons
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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