Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
