So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
