Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
