So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
