soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
