what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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