i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize