i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
