East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I have demons in me.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
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