I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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