I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
