I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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