She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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