so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So much Jack, so little girl.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
