porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
