yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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