he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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