It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
