yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
