Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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