I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
