maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
