I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
