The maid of honor just puked.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
