So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I AM VODKA MAN
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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