So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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