there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
