apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
