She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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