I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
