Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize