The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
