a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You made out with two different species that night
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
