sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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