oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize