Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
