Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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