He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
