my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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