i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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