hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
