Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
